Julia Vaughan Smith

Daughters

This is a self-coaching book for women in difficult relationships with their mothers, who want to understand how these patterns of relating came into being and how to change them. The book explores the factors that influence such relationships from conception onwards, and what holds them in place now we are adults. It includes the challenges of being raised by negative, narcissistic, distant, smothering and dependent mothers, and looks at how they may have become like this. Mothers are daughters too. The book doesn't blame mothers or daughters, but takes a compassionate and non-judgemental approach to the topic. At the heart of such relationships is emotional trauma, and the book addresses this in a way that will promote insight and well-being. There are self-help exercises throughout the book to take readers on their own learning and change. The book invites readers into a conversation about some difficult topics, including maternal ambivalence and the emotional pain of not feeling loved, seen, protected or valued by the mother. Sadly, the family environment for some children is not a loving one, nor is it one where the family is struggling with many challenges which affect how the mother can relate to her daughter. Not all daughters stay with their birth mothers, some are raised by adoptive or foster mothers, or other family members. They may have relationships with both birth and adoptive mothers, either or both of which may be difficult for the daughter. In focusing on daughters and mothers, the book also recognises the importance of fathers, mothers' partners, and close family to how we develop. The author acknowledges that sons and mothers, daughters and fathers, sons and fathers can also be difficult and challenging relationships, however, the focus of this book is daughters and mothers.